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Married to a german woman

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Even the hairiest German men with the worst sunburns and the biggest beer bellies love their teeny-tiny Speedos.

Some Germans can be convinced to don more modest beachwear. Marriage is all about compromise.

Germans take their bread very seriously. Never white and fluffy and sweet.

What Americans call bread is an abomination to them. You can no longer imagine serving pork without it. First, you learned what a Schnitzel really is.

Some Germans can be convinced...

In the next stage of your indoctrination into German culture, you learned the critical differences between a Jager Schnitzel and a Zigeuner Schnitzel. You know that German men are, shall we say, a bit muted when it comes to expressing their feelings.

Whatever their reaction is, you learn to crank it up a few notches in your interpretation. What we Americans consider friendly small talk, Germans find a waste of time. Your German family has schooled you on the fact that those cute leather shorts you imagined your husband wearing as a young boy are actually Bavarian, and not typical elsewhere in the country.

Which is disappointing, because they are really adorable.

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On this day, Germans celebrate Sankt Nikolaus Day. According to folklore, good kids get their stockings filled.

Bad kids get a bag of ashes and a beating from good old Saint Nick. Well, at least you can recover with a mug of gluwein. Once you marry a German, the holiday season will never be the same again.

I dated one and we...

Thanks to your German family, you can now tell the difference between Austrian and German accents. Or at least, you pretend that you can tell, and you agree with them that Austrians talk funny.

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Germans are known for their punctuality. How to piss off a German.

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Culture Guides Student Work. Tim Wenger Feb 22, Matador's growing Creators Community is the place to connect with fellow travel journalists.

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Are YOU married to and or dating a German? Even the largest, oldest, hairiest German man, or woman, will sport an itsy bitsy teenie weenie.