My best guy friend and I have had the most platonic friendship imaginable since we met many years ago. He was always out making a scene until the wee hours of the morning, was generally super loud, and had a horrible habit of playing Cee Lo Green songs on repeat for hours. I talked a lot like, A LOTcried about men on the regular, and drank way In love with best friend but hookup someone else much. After a while, though, we made it over the hump. Suddenly we were the closest of friends.
It was just simple friendship. He and I would regularly spend hours talking, sometimes about completely nonsensical things and other times about the most serious of issues. The best part was that I felt I could talk to him about anything that was happening in my life without even a hint of judgment.
I noticed him acting a bit more like a potential love-interest than ever before — holding doors, picking up tabs, looking at me dead in the eye when I spoke, putting his hand on my leg each time we sat next to each other.
I tried to ignore it, but when he went in for the kill after a few drinks on the last night of the trip, I was — surprisingly even to myself — very easily wooed.
This is your happy ending! I felt the kiss like a shock wave through my entire body, and the rest of the night still feels like it was too good to be true. In the morning, I felt completely smitten. We were on different flights home so we parted ways with a quick, awkward hug and I vowed to stow away my feelings and never think about the situation again. After a week passed without so much as a word from him, I decided I needed to break my silence and finally tell my one of my girlfriends what had happened.
As the words were coming out of my mouth, something awful happened. It had to be. Both of us would eventually realize we have real feelings for each other, there would be some sort of big, romantic gesture, and then we would end up together forever.
I was used to talking to him a few times a week, but suddenly he stopped responding to my texts all together. But, somewhere in my subconscious I was certain he was avoiding me. I envisioned what things would be like if he felt the same as I did.
By the next time I saw him I had made myself so insanely nervous that I was all around a complete and total embarrassment. I decided to have a few drinks to take the edge off.
With my beer jacket on, I tried to make a move, and was completely shot down. The next several times we hung out I continued to work every move and line I had in my arsenal. But, continuously, I was made a fool of. His actions were speaking louder than words, but it took multiple separate occasions of his apathetic actions for me to come to terms with this. In my life, I had never let myself act in such a way, but I felt I had no control.
It was at this point I realized something desperately needed to change. It was easier said than done. We can delete their phone number, throw away all memories of him from our home, maybe join a dating site, and really make moves to move on.
Someone you maybe never even had real feelings for, but rather just enjoyed the idea of? And, what do you do if that person was previously one of your best friends, and things were getting messier by the minute? I was in a state of constant confusion. Unfortunately, there was only one thing I could actually do, and it was to cut him out for a while.
I knew I needed to give myself the chance to meet someone else, and to get over the unrealistic idea of us ever being together. We need to love the man. It took me a while, but I made it out alive. Once I came to the final realization that we were not meant to be more than friends, I was able to focus on what I actually wanted.
I feel confident it will be one day, though. I regret not asking him how he felt after it first happened. I regret how I acted in the aftermath, not knowing how he felt. I regret that it still might take a little while to get back to where we were.
I acted with my sex drive, and not my brain. This should be something you fully think through before acting on. After it all, I have officially decided to stop drafting that fairytale ending. A new Thought Catalog series exploring our connection to each other, our food, and where it comes from.
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