Hi, Are there any wives of hoarders out there? I would love to hear from you and how you survive in this horrific situation. Although I'm his carer I admit I would leave if I could, but because the house is mine I'd have to pay that mortgage or be in worse trouble and rent Living with a hoarder spouse wherever I went to live, whihc there's just no way I could afford to do.
How do other people survive living in the squalor that this disorder he's also bi polar brings? I just don;t know where to turn any more. Are you in Australia?
There must be heaps of us around. I was feeling particuarly Living with a hoarder spouse when I wrote in, and like you know that it's the illness and not voluntary well, not altogether but very, very hard to live with. Loved it when Hoarders came on TV because it was like coming out of the closet - I'd joke that we looked just like the hoarders on TV but at least our cats were alive and healthy referring to the episode where the cats skeletons were found at the clean up - missed that show - work, so don't get to see that many - but it relaxes the situation as people get embarrased.
They just can't believe that people can live like that.
Feel so ashamed though in reality. A support group would be fantastic - any takers? Thanks for replying Missy. Is there anyone else out there? You both are the first to raise the topic of hoarders. I don't have a spouse but I do have a father who hoards though I have to say he's not in the severe range so no one sees it as a problem yet but I have a son who would have the house full of anything and everything we have ever owned if I let him!!!!
Just a question, do your spouses watch the hoarding shows with you? If they do what's their thoughts on them?
I'm sorry to hear that Christmas time was hard for you. You are sound like a very patient and understanding person. The question you raise, 'is it something that he can change? It's hard to find answers for that. No one can be certain of how someone will behave in the future.
What I do understand, however, is that for someone to change, they need to first acknowledge that's there's an issue, and then have the motivation to change it. From what you've written, it seems that at the moment, your husband is fairly closed off to making changes. No one can really know if and when he'll be ready to change, but you can start looking at ways you can make some changes Living with a hoarder spouse improve the situation.
Seeking support as you have done by posting on here can be helpful. Also, you might find this dicussion, ' what if they don't want help ' helpful. I wonder if they could offer their perspectives? While her partner does not have an issue with hoarding, she shares some similarities with you in that her partner would not make changes, Living with a hoarder spouse she started to set boundaries and make changes for herself.
Sorry you've had such a lousy Christmas. I would have liked to have had your post in front of me so I could answer through it, but it doesn't seem to work that way.
It sounds as if your husband is hard to get along with on top of the hoarding but I'm not wildly impressed by your friend! My kids give me a very hard time, but my friends are really supportive. We had Christmas at my only really supportive daughter's place she also happens to be the one in Brisbane so that problem didn't come up, although as I've said before, none of them will come round anyway because of the safety issues.
No, there's nowhere for anyone to sit - I do all my work lying on the bed as now. I'm trying to reclaim my office to make my life a bit easier this coming year - I nearly go nuts trying to run my business Living with a hoarder spouse bed!
It's on keeping boundaries - would be very useful for you too, I would think. I'm sure there'd be a place for you at it, even though it's so late. I've been to other boundary ones but find I need the "booster" when I can.
Have also been to Carers Queensland workshops. On the whole though, I tend to try and use humour.