People typically perceive introversion as simple shyness. In other words, introverts are people who don't like conversation, keep to themselves and only feel comfortable in solitude. And we think online dating, even more so than offline dating, is about "putting yourself out there.
So it goes without saying that introverts would find online dating as repelling as, say, an afternoon without a book. Introverts represent a varied group of people — some are shy, implying discomfort in social situations, while others enjoy spending time in groups of people. They're not all bookworms.
Introverts and extroverts are merely social in different ways. According to Christie Hartman, Ph. The first is that it can be done from the comfort of one's home, alone, and doesn't involve the traditional pressures of meeting people IRL, such as going to a crowded bar.
It also makes conversation easier. That intimacy continues to be an advantage during the dating stage.
Two years ago, Susan Cain published Quiet: She maintains that online dating can work for introverts in ways offline dating doesn't. Based on Hartman's and Cain's knowledge, we compiled eight tips introverts should follow to own their online dating mojo.
In QuietCain writes about the "self-negating choices" introverts make when they feel the pressure to identify themselves as outgoing. Hartman said that this is a choice she sees introverts make in their online dating profiles.
Hartman advises that people identify as introverted through their Myers-Briggs typebecause many people are familiar with the indicator and may know a loved one who's similar. Dating profiles tend to be really generic because people don't want to scare potential partners by "sounding too different or too odd, not realizing that it actually backfires," Hartman said. When writing your profile, you should do the opposite.
Mention the things you love to do, including introverted things when you're at home all day long, she said.
If you belong to a book group or have read everything by Isaac Asimov, say that. Introverts may be turned off by the prospect of hundreds of people viewing a public profile.
To remedy this, Hartman advises joining a dating website like eHarmony, which only makes visible profiles of people who the algorithm matches. Likewise, niche dating websitessuch as those for book lovers and science fiction nerds, are appealing though not as well-populated.
Cain shared a story about a man who read Quiet and then signed up for a dating website, entering "introvert" as a search term. Five results came up, one of which ended up becoming his wife. Those looking for introverts, Hartman says, can try a few strategies, such as watching out for quiet or short profiles, hobbies that introverts tend to gravitate toward, or a photo that doesn't give away much about his or her appearance.
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Many introverts experience an initial hesitancy to sign up for an online dating website, but Hartman says that discomfort goes away quickly.
Cain said that having a focus on the positive aspects of online dating can help overcome hurdles. The 15 Hottest Dating Sites on the Market.
Still, introverts, especially men, who Hartman and Cain agreed face different expectations than women, may find it difficult to ask out someone they've been messaging. Introverts will meet all kinds of people as a result of online dating, both introverts and extroverts. Hartman said the key to feeling comfortable is to focus on making the other person feel the same.