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He is married but he loves me

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It was my first time visiting Vegas and I was about to take part in an intensive five-day leadership retreat that would change my life. That same night I met Tim. I looked a hot mess--sweaty, messy hair, and in desperate need of sleep.

Despite all of that, when he and I shook hands, it was the beginning of our forbidden love. The night we had our first kiss, we stood under the stars and my right leg bent and the spark felt more like fireworks.

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He and I went back and forth about why we shouldn't kiss. But gravity kept pulling us closer to one another until our lips met.

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He ran like a middle schooler who had just kissed his crush. Soon the laughter turned into deep breaths and moans. I have to point out that for years I told my friends that they deserve to be with a man who would make them a priority.

That they were worthy of being more than someone else's secret lover.

Then I found myself falling in love with a married man. I know what you are thinking, "what a hypocrite! The affair did not start the night we met.

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In fact, it would take days of talking about our lives and experiences before either one of us would admit to an attraction. It wasn't just that Tim was married. Tim was also a trans guy who never imagined falling in love with a cisgender gay Latino.

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There's also a ten-year difference between us and 3, miles separating him and me. For the next few months we would speak daily. Exchanging text messages for hours.

The three-hour time difference made it harder but he and I were committed to whatever it was that we had with each other. My close friends told me to cut him loose. I tried several times to break it off with him but my heart and mind were at odds.

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Logically I could justify ending it with Tim. Emotionally I was invested in him, in someone else's husband. The next time Tim and I would see one another face-to-face would be in Los Angeles. I was there for a work event and he decided to take a road trip to see me. My friend told me, "it would start with concessions and end with heartbreak. He introduced me to Jack in the Box, a burger joint--I became obsessed.

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Tim couldn't believe that we didn't have Jack in the Box on the east coast. I tried to introduce him to Indian cuisine but he wasn't a fan.

We walked the streets of LA holding hands and the entire time I felt safe, excited, and cared for. He made me feel comfortable in a way that no other man had been able to.


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