I have recently learned that my wife committed adultery and I am having trouble figuring out how to proceed. I have been married for 15 years she is 40 and I am 35 years oldand we have four beautiful children that we love very much. Three years ago my wife had a sort of existential crisis. She started questioning whether it makes sense to be in a couple for a full life time nowadays. She also wondered whether monogamy actually worked. Suffice to say that Found out wife cheated a less than Stoic way I told her that if she had these Found out wife cheated concerning marriage she should go consult a psychologist.
I still regret not suggesting couple therapy, but since I was happy on my end I jumped to the conclusion that she must get help to figure out what she required to be happy. It came to a point where she wanted no more physical affection on my part and she started getting back in touch with an old boyfriend.
This greatly perturbed me because she used to be happy to stay home with me and the kids. Eventually, after seeing a psychologist a handful of times, she came back to me and told me all was resolved and that she had just been lost and that we could resume our marriage as it was before. She also told me she wanted another child we had three at that moment. After a bit of back and forth I eventually relented, which I do not regret since I love my children very much. While she was pregnant things started Found out wife cheated badly again.
A few months after giving birth to our daughter she started hanging out with her ex-boyfriend again. I started snooping on her, of which I am not proud, but I wanted some answers which I felt she was not giving me. After having found messages I found inappropriate to her ex-boyfriend I confronted her only for the tables to be turned on me and being told it was not okay to look into her things, that I should trust her, and that I was horrible for having looked Found out wife cheated her private conversations.
She then proceeded to lock me out of her phone and emails.
During that phase I tried very hard to be a better husband, but she was getting increasingly hostile towards me. This continued until I found out that she had been unfaithful through my brother, who was told by a third party that spoke to my wife this was very recently. When I brought this information to my wife she started by Found out wife cheated everything and telling me I should trust her.
The next day, however, she came to me and confessed that she kissed him but nothing more. After great reflection I understand how she may have tired of me, I have no ambition outside of my children and living a simple life. On my end I tried to make her happy by ensuring her ambitions were met, like having four kids, getting married, and buying a house, but then once that was all done suddenly she was not happy anymore. Now I am stuck not being able to answer questions like: Should I give her another chance and trust her again?
What do you think a Stoic would do? Reading your letter which was longer and more detailed in the originalit seems to me that three themes clearly emerge, and I suggest you focus your attention on Found out wife cheated They ought to be your priority, regardless of any other consideration. And that in turn will require you to exercise the virtues of justice toward them and courage to possibly make difficult or unpleasant decisions in order to prioritize Found out wife cheated welfare.
Found out wife cheated Second, your wife seems to be going through a midlife crisis. This is pretty normal, and so is her behavior, as distressing as it may be from your perspective. All these things happen to them by reason of their ignorance of what is good and evil. Your wife, according to your description, has been ungrateful, arrogant, and deceitful.
Moreover, as Marcus says immediately after, Found out wife cheated should not allow yourself to be negatively affected — as difficult as it may be — precisely because you are trying to develop Stoic compassion for the failures of others, beginning with the people closest to you.
All of the above said, I actually think your initial suggestion for your wife to see a therapist was on the mark. Which leads me to the third theme: Perhaps she does not deserve your trust, but your own account of things makes it clear that you have issues in that department.
She is right that snooping around her things is not acceptable, regardless of your suspicions. Trust within a couple is based on a feedback loop: If you love this woman, and if you really want to try to improve things, you need to break the cycle.
As Seneca put it with regard to friendship, and as it applies just as much indeed, even more within a relationship:. On True and False Found out wife cheated, 2.
Indeed, my first marriage ended because my wife betrayed me with my alleged best friend at the time. But not all betrayals are created equal, and neither are all couple dynamics.
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Your wife may be genuinely dissatisfied with her present life — perhaps along the lines you yourself have sketched near the end of your letter. Perhaps she is right that for some people, maybe including her, a lifelong commitment to the same person is untenable and leads to misery for all involved.
The Stoics were nothing if pragmatic, and one of their main tenets was the necessity to willingly accept how reality is, instead of clinging to wishful thinking:. Now, it is not, at the moment, inevitable that your relationship will end.
Much is still under your control: This may or may not work. As Cicero would put it, to keep your marriage working is to Found out wife cheated chosen, but not to be desired — meaning that you should try your best, but that you should also be ready to move on if the attempt turns out to be futile.
Best luck to you and your wife, and especially your kids.
Well Lady Fortuna has given me a timely topic to try to unpack and sort out. Unfortunately, it involves far more than kissing and has been going on for months. I have tried to use Stoicism to attack this crisis on many levels.
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I coulda, woulda, shoulda done something different years ago instead of spending our savings on what now can be considered a lost cause. The fact that I did not try hard enough to rescue our poisoned marriage also weighs on me heavily. My wife loves another man now. Let that sink in. Obviously, divorce is an option for me, but there are kids in involved.
Found out wife cheated
As a child of divorced parents I do not want that reality for my kids. It will clearly exacerbate the money issues. I would not wish anxiety on anyone and mine right now is really through the roof.
I reach into the arsenal of stoic wisdom daily hourly? Massimo, thank you for all you do for Stoicism. Your writings are deep and drenched with wisdom. I have bought your book and look forward to reading it. I only recently found stoicism and am still a novice Found out wife cheated feel unprepared for this maelstrom I find myself in.
I wonder what the Stoics would say to a man who believes he blew up his life. That is how I am trying to live. My comment is based in my experience of more than 50 years of marriage. You seem to have a problem with your wife, Found out wife cheated have not asked, sincerely, what her problem might be— with you, your relationship, or marriage in general.
After all, a satisfied spouse would not feel a need to wander, although the dissatisfaction may or may not be justified.
Want to add to the...
Couples therapy is probably the best way to clarify the source of unhappiness in your relationship. I sincerely wish that you will be able to find a way forward that satisfies you, your wife, and your children. You do need to experience your emotions in full to live a meaningful life, but you also want to keep those emotions in check. Let it sting, but control it. The stoics had many wonderful practical advices on how to do that.
And those advices are truly exercises, something you need to practice like you practice a sport, like tennis, to get better at it. What you can control Found out wife cheated yourself, your inner mental life.
Coping With the Aftermath of...
I think there is nothing unvirtuous about non-monogamous relationships, so long as all parties involved are no board and one keeps firmly in mind the virtue of justice. Found out wife cheated Seneca put it with regard to friendship, and as it applies just as much indeed, even more within a relationship: The Stoics were nothing if pragmatic, and one of their main tenets was the necessity to willingly accept how reality is, instead of clinging to wishful thinking: Twitter Facebook Google Pocket Email.
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To find out more, including how to control cookies, see here: This guy's wife had been having an affair for two years before he found out what had been going on in the most brutal of ways. Well, my ex-wife never had sex with anyone else, so far as I know, but she had gotten Why do I feel like my wife has cheated on me and Found out wife cheated never found out?.
Did you catch your wife cheating? This will give you an idea of what to do next.
I have recently learned that my wife committed adultery and I am having trouble figuring distant how to proceed. I organize been married for 15 years she is 40 and I am 35 years old Educated, and we have four unequalled children that we love exceedingly much.
Three years ago my wife had a sort of existential crisis. She started questioning whether it makes sense to be in a couple proper for a full life time nowadays. She also wondered whether monogamy actually worked.
Suffice to utter that in a less than Stoic way I told her that if she had these problems concerning marriage she should go consult a psychologist. I still regret not suggesting link therapy, but since I was happy on my end I jumped to the conclusion that she must get help to figure out what she called for to be happy.
It came to a point where she wanted no more physical fondness on my part and she started getting back in trade mark with an old boyfriend. That greatly perturbed me because she used to be happy to stay home with me and the kids.
Eventually, after seeing a psychologist a handful of times, she came back to me and told me all was resolved and that she had just been lost and that we could resume our marriage as it was previous to.
If you're here, it's because you are surviving, or obtain survived, infidelity in a relationship that you thought was life-long. This is a safe concern to give advance and guidance to each other. Perfidy is one of the most aching experiences you when one pleases ever have to survive. Regardless of your decision to stay or to go, you purposefulness have to affected a tremendous amount of pain and emotional scarring. You can do it. And we're here to help. If you would akin to just unravel, please use the flair filters exactly below to escape.
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Hopefully, this will be unnecessary, but having even a vague plan in place will put you on a more even keel. My husband told me about his first affair but I found evidence of his second one after he went to bed and confronted him at 2am about it.
She didn't feel horrible until AFTER they were done, and she realized what can of worms she had just opened. Don't beat around the bush. And even if you can't afford one, they often offer a free hor of consultation.
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