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Sometimes, when a relationship ends, both of you feel that calling things to a close was the right thing to do. We speak to a lot of people who are in this situation — particularly on our free online counselling service Live Chat.
However, this is often much easier to understand in theory than it is to accept emotionally. You may be perfectly aware that your partner no longer wants to be with you.
They may have even said this. Sometimes, this process can be difficult. It can be blunt.
Ultimately, you may need to accept that it does take two people to be in a relationship. If you feel like you and your ex can have an amicable discussion about the end of your relationship and that having this would be genuinely helpful, then there are circumstances when this can work.
But it can also mean putting yourself in a potentially painful position. Often, hearing why a relationship ended can be as unpleasant as the end itself.
It can be useful to get an outsider perspective — or even a few — before doing anything. Talk to friends and family.
People you can trust and who you know will listen to you. One thing that can be helpful when struggling with unresolved feelings following the end of a relationship is thinking back and consider the bad sides as well as the good. But no relationship is perfect.
Recognising this can be an important part of understanding why things ended. It can also mean avoiding similar situations in the future. Obviously we only have so much control over what happens in relationships, but if there were any behaviours that contributed towards things ending this time, being aware of these can be very useful.
Of course, this is all easier said than done. You may want to think about coping strategies.
What helps you to feel better in the moment? Some people want to be by themselves, some like to give themselves something to do to stay busy.
Sometimes the act of talking things over is enough to relieve some of the pain. And sometimes, re-negotiating boundaries in terms of your social network may be necessary. Sometimes, seeing different people for a little while can be necessary.